In preparation for the big move, I dumped all 3 clothes closets and one storage room of miscellaneous clothing into a colossal pile in my dining room. For a couple of fairly minimalist hippies, we have allot of clothes. I have never been one to part with clothing easily because I have spent 25 years sifting through the racks in the thrift shops for a wardrobe entirely made of cotton, silk, linen, flax, hemp and wool. I collect scarfs, hats, event tee-shirts, hand crafted batiks and dresses from my travels. I like textiles in general. I can admit it. Imagine my surprise at the end of my day to discover... 4 large mixed Guy and I winter storage bags, 6 large donation bags, 2 bags of the Kid's clothes, 3 bags of Most Precious Niece clothes, 1 box of Favorite Cousin clothes and 1 neatly organized closet, 2 empty closets and 2 dressers of folded clothes that fit and reflect the sun... in the colossal pile's place. I can barely express my feeling of deep relief that's it's done, gone.
I started the large linen closet. The Kid is the new owner of needed towels, sheets, and blankets. She's not one to complain about not having. She's the kind of resourceful woman that will wash her clothes in her tub when needed. It felt good giving her a stack of our best towels, a bath mat, a spare cloth shower curtain, sheets, blankets and a plethora of herbal bath products. The more I put in the go away pile, the better I felt and another wave of calm would wash over me. I also donated a full bag of linens to the woman's shelter. I kept 2 sets of cotton sheets and one set of thick flannel sheets to store with the down comforter for Winter and made a guest pack with sheets, 2 plush towels and face-cloths and 2 blankets. I didn't touch the Halloween/Day Of The Dead section. I also still have 7 years of my wild-crafted herbal apocathary to dig through in there. That should fun. I'll have to make kits of different herbs and products to store accordingly and seasonally in the storage unit. In November we'll trade the khaki, whites, camp gear and Summer herbal needs for the Winter herbal and downy, wooly things.
The Kid also went away with the fancy coffee pot and made plans to adopt our elderly cat with dementia when we move to make it easier on him. We figure since he's stayed there for her to watch him while we've been away, it will be less traumatic for him to move to her dog free place, than to into a small unfamiliar place with big dogs on both sides of us. I was exhausted yet euphoric. We still have an awful amount of hard work left but I feel lighter, better, calmer and as though we are moving forward. An unusual sense of peace filled my sun filled bedroom the next morning when I awoke to a pile-less bedroom and a closet that actually closed. I made my bed as soon as I climbed out of it and I felt renewed, not overwhelmed from the second my feet hit the pile... I mean... floor. And you can laugh if you want... but we had forgotten how beautiful our area rug was in there since we hadn't seen it in over 2 years.
So, what does all this shit mean to us??
A. I realized I was overspending on food and household items to compensate for my unprocessed guilt during The Kid and I's single parent days, when we existed off of food stamps and low wages. Mind you, that was well over a decade ago, but every shopping trip still felt like it may be the only one for that month. Some form of guilt or anxiety would pop up whenever I went grocery shopping. I would also over-shop and drop all the food and toilet paper off to The Kid's apartment... then try to hide the spending in my budget. I sat and talked it out with her. It's funny how her memories are of what we had, not of what we didn't. I've spent 50% less in the last 2 months since we talked and she is no longer growing a closet full of canned goods, boxed food and Fruit Loops.
B. The Guy had been compensating shopping for being the youngest child in his family and always having hand me downs. He likes NEW clothes, his own stereo and sports equipment and making his own decisions on what and how to buy. He also was having trouble letting go of planning Summer travel and concerts. After the initial freak out, the denial and bargaining... he is accepting that we do not have the money for new clothing or hiking boots, records, monitors, a Wii, new golfing disks or concert tickets. We don't have any 'disposable income'. We really are going to miss both the Roger Waters show AND Gogol Bordello touring with freaking Primus. Our Summer vacation will be the move and a few weekend camping trips to national or state parks (if there are any left in this state by then). Touchy subject, but it was needed. Since he identified with the emotions behind his wants and spending...it's becoming normal and logical to him now. Save now. Spend when we have no more debt. Period.
C. Peer group identification normally continues into adulthood. My peers all wear cotton/natural fiber clothes, Birkenstocks, and handmade jewelry. The Guy's peers all wear the same pants, Chaco sandals and hiking boots for work boots. Now identified as a normal activity, it's only been fueled by 2nd hand stores, exchange parties or as well thought out, money saved purchases. No matter how strong our sense of individuality may be...the sense of wanting to belong is stronger. It's very human.
D. Again with the human thing. It's normal to want. It's normal to indulge in "shop therapy" once in awhile. We did come from hunter-gatherer's; it's just the game and gather that's changed. Use those human impulses to shop wise and only when needed. Stalk the white sale. Gather up 1/2 off day at the thrift store. Search out local foods at the oldest form of retail on the planet: Farmer's Markets. Another human impulse is to share. Host a Closet Exchange! Have everyone bring their clean old clothes over. Hang them up and everyone 'shops' the racks in your living room! Our friends do this 4 times a year with their kid's home-school group and then 2 times a year just for the adults. They also trade toys and books. New to you or your child...is still new. For thrift shop phobics, at least you know who wore the clothes and that they are well cared for and clean. The fun and savings can't even be computed.
E. Deep emotional ties to your things is hard to process. I know I feel physically attached to some of my books and meaningful things and I honestly think there will be a 1/4 of a storage unit used just for the Guy's electrical-stereo component- computer part collection. However, we identify as people again, not as people who have this or that or are going here or there. To us, it is way more important to be good people than to to be people with lot's of good stuff. Both of us were stuck on our things during an uncertain time in our life. We piled up stuff to make the possibility of death seem less possible. We've also lost over 50lbs each over the past year. We were holding on to clothes in several sizes. We realized that we were feeling insecure in our new bodies and by holding on to the x- large's, we were setting ourselves up to fit back into those clothes.
Summary: We identified our emotions behind the need of buying and having. We pushed the topic until we were uncomfortable, but we will need to further work on parting with some more. We realized that chances are, that itch to buy and fill your surroundings with stuff, is your you, looking for more substance in your life, not stuff. Donating your weird, guilty, over-processed, overwhelmed feelings in form of your used clothing and household items to people who actually need them... is an act of love, peace, charity and hope...for all involved. You also start to remove the deadly clutter in your life. Join me for Part 3: Your clutter or your life.
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