Living in the moment

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


‎"To a happy person, the formula for happiness is quite simple: Regardless of what happened early this morning, last week, or last year—or what may happen later this evening, tomorrow, or three years from now—now is where happiness lies." ~Richard Carlson


While I do enjoy a good plan and a stroll down memory lane as much as the next person, I truly strive to live in the moment. What that means to me is staying focused on today, and not letting ghosts of the past or future rule my life. What if? When? I can not answer either of those. Today is the day. Now. Present. We can't change what we've done or have not done, nor can we predict the future. We can only focus on today, the present moment, it's challenges and celebrations. How do I stay focused on the now? By living it. Everyday I wake up, say good morning to the world, and I read today's news. This what's happening today. This is today's weather. This is today's topic of thought. This is what I am making for dinner tonight. If I get stuck in a loop of past or future thinking, I turn the music on and dance. I let my mind focus on what's in front of me. I deal with the laundry or dish stack. Today's chores. Today's needs to be met. Today's recipe that needs to leave my brain. Today. Now. Presently.

There is no better tomorrow. There is only today. Why wait for tomorrow when you have a today, right in front of you? Why wait for Spring? This Winter thing is quite fantastic in it's own right. Today is beautiful to me, despite my post holiday flare-up. Today is beautiful because it is the only December 31, 2010 I will ever live. Today is only one single day of 365 chances to start anew. 365 days to live fully. 365 days to take a wrong turn and find a new road. 365 days of loving. 365 days to make a difference. 365 days to heal some guts. 365 days of weather changes. 365 days of choices to make. Whew! How can I focus on day number 1, when I haven't finished day number 365? I can't, or actually, I won't. I won't live January 1, 2011 until tomorrow. I won't push for January 2, or July 2, or December 21, 2012, until they happen. I choose to live in the moment. I choose to be here now...

Onward with the simple stuff

I can not make casual conversation to save my life. In fact, this blog has been therapy for that. Talking about food makes me comfortable and I can babble till the cows come home. It's been a real challenge for me to stay on topic, to stay in the present, and to speak of the mundane ills and thrills of life. When we talk about the weather, there is always an underlying message...patience, endurance, gratitude, bliss. When I share my more personal aspects such as my health or our money tree issues, please understand I have to document this journey, and through this blog I ask you to join me. I'm real. I can't help it. I've tried not being me and it never works. It sounds like I am writing an essay for a class and it sounds like everything is rainbows and puppies, and bliss. It's not. Life has moments of rainbows, puppies and bliss...but life itself, is difficult. So. I prefer not to lie to myself or anyone else.

Simply miserable...would sum up the past 2 months, quite well. Simple has meant no medical care, money for seeds and amendments to the garden, and showering outside. It's walking everywhere to afford groceries. It's meant arguing over small things that feel larger when you are really broke (you bought lunch???). It's been about leaks in the roof, ants, rats, plumbing, saying goodbye to long term friends, fear, doubt, and why did we do this? Stuck in a pity loop, I realize now. But, really, how could we not feel bad for awhile there? We took a risk and felt we had lost. This Summer has been horrific. The move itself honestly almost did me in. I'm having serious issues with heat intolerance. The infection in my lungs I treated myself. Add all that in to the big reality check, it's been miserable. My mantra all Summer has been, I surrender to the mystery. In the lap of God I rest my case. 

Well, I am still here. I woke up today able to breathe in so many ways. I woke up today with clear lungs and it was under 100 degrees. I woke up today and paid the rent and utilities in full for September, freeing us from that worry for an another entire month (everything, on time, for the first time in close to 3 years). I woke up today to a pile of seed packets. I woke up today and knew I'd now, since the bills are paid, have the of the money for the tiles and grout to finish the 2+ month long, indoor shower project. I now know I will soon be able to afford to repair and use my car as needed. It's starting to come together. All of it. Why we did this. How we did it. When. Where. All. Of. It. The feeling of relief from the financial breathing room can barely be described after years of struggling to make ends meet. To have all of our basic needs met without such burden is euphoric.

If we continue to resist to give in to the temptation of the pity loop, impulses, and illusions of grander by having more than $1.00 in the bank on the day before payday, by the end of October, we should be able to welcome medical and dental care back into our lives, I should have a car when I need one, and we will start eating greens from the garden. By November there will be pottery classes for me, bass lessons for him, 80% of our vegetable needs being harvested from our garden, and gallons of preserved fruits, veggies, kimchi and sauerkraut will be living in the cold outdoor laundry room. December should find us with an affordable Y swim membership and able to enjoy the holiday season without the food bank's help the following month. This is about more than money to me though. It means will find our place here, and we will continue to streamline this life, for room for unlimited joy.

I never really gave up, though I wanted to at least 4x in the past 2 months. I wanted to call this whole thing off, go rent a cookie cutter apartment with central AC and a pool, and pay more than 1/2 our income to a rent again. But there is that voice in me that started this whole mess back in the Spring...asking me over and over what I really wanted. My answer surprised me when I sat up in bed this morning, before I saw the seeds, before I paid the bills, before I knew we were going to make it, and said, I want this. I want this challenge. I want this life no one understands but us. It's too late to turn back now. This is the direction of our dreams. Onward.

We Are Here/Here We Are

It's been surreal. It's been hard work. It's not over yet, but here's some photos to catch you up. Who'd a thunk such a small space would need so much work? Making this place truly livable (for people, not just the ants and sewer rats) will be a Summer long project. I guess my new hobbies are carpentry, pest control, and plumbing... not quite the dance and pottery classes I had in mind. I'm OK with this. All good things come to those who work their butts off.

Before the work began:
The entry

The room, before.

Using a dark color in the entry way, I created the illusion of 2 rooms. The space now feels distinct and separate yet unified with the rest of the house.

The sun makes it the whole house glow in the late afternoon. Such amazing light!

Using the normally wasted space behind the front door, we now have an organized command central, charging station, shoe storage, mail room, and sunny reading nook. We condensed a wall full of books into a single bookcase, with room to add books. Some were given away, some were donated, some are in storage for future use. Books are very important to me, so that was difficult.

I am standing where the stove should be. Behind me is my (sadly) unused baker's station, 'fridge, and juicer. My new best friend, the crock pot, stands front and center.

Let the sun shine in by clicking on the picture. The kitchen is to the right.

Now, if only I could say we were done here, or at the old house. But we are not. Lots of work is needed still, here and there. We still have 2 storage loads to remove, the yard and gardens to relocate, and then the paint and repairs there. Glad we have until the 25th to be out! We're going to need it.

One change leads to another and so on...

We have made some big changes and some little changes. I am pretty happy with the level of conviction, determination, and effort I am seeing out of us. I am on day 26 of paper towel withdrawal. Balls of sliced up flannel sheets are all over the house, waiting to to be discovered and washed, not thrown into the recycling crate. By making several different sizes, there is a rag for every job waiting in the repurposed cloth bag that the sheets came in years ago, hanging from my baker's rack. I still find myself reaching for my roll for certain things. Pork fat and cloth just don't sound like they play well together, so I used a recycled unbleached coffee filter to drain the bacon for BLT's. It worked well.

Taking my car of the road out of financial need is turning into a challenge of sorts. If I can make it through the move without a car...do I really need one? Can I find a local in bike or walking distance job and give up my personal chef's life? If I'm not commuting anywhere for work, just what does a second car mean for a family of 2? I don't know. It's going to take some time before I have these answers, but these questions are really burning in me. I laughed really hard at my friends sarcasm when I told her my car is off the road..."Yeah, take the grease powered car off the road. That's an eco friendly change." I'm thinking Want VS Need, is a topic she may want to consider reflecting upon, which is what I replied in due sarcasm. Yes, I want my car. Need my car? That remains to be seen once the move is made.

Another issue swarming the move and the changes are the building supply chain stores, which we do not like to support. The days of the Mom and Pop hardware store is almost over. There are one or two, but they do cost so much more than a Home Depot or Lowes. I started looking through the free listings on our local share program and found a few things we needed. A little bell went off as I remember the Habitat For Humanity leftovers store. We are going next week to look for paints and shelving, and hopefully, a stall for our plumbing disaster of a shower in the new place. With the landlord open to us doing whatever needs to be done (in exchange for part of the deposit), I am building a frame out of discounted trim wood to staple shower curtains on, to place in the dense bamboo grove with a solar shower bag as a temporary shower. It's really hot through the end of October. Making an outdoor shower is an option for us, so we are. This will take some pressure off of what needs to be done, now, and what can wait until we are done with the actual move.

There's also a water lesson we will learn through using a 5 gallon shower bag...how much water is wasted in a normal shower. The current goal is 5 gallons a day for showers for 2 people, and using the bathroom sink for my hair washing (the Guy shaved his head for the Summer). An older shower head runs at about 5 gallons per minute. A new one, about 2.8 per minute. With only 5 gallons for TWO showers, we are saving 100's of gallons of water a day, and watering our bamboo grove at the same time. I think the bamboo will get a kick out of the Dr. Bronner's I infused with herbs, too.

Speaking of water. Our homemade laundry detergent is filled with naturally occurring salts. In our current greywater set up, this is not a problem, as it waters landscaping, not food. The new place may pose a problem, as that greywater does run into the fruit trees, including the fig tree, which was heavily damaged by wind last week and deserves no extra salt in it's damaged roots. Our soil here in the Inferno has a high salt content anyway, from the prehistoric ocean it once was. I'm wondering if anyone knows a plant friendly, budget friendly homemade detergent recipe for hard water, not made with borax or washing soda? The preferred natural brand of detergent for greywater is called, Oasis. It's pretty pricey and not very good at removing stains, to be honest. I use Dr. Bronner's for 100 other things, but don't care for as a laundry soap. I feel it leaves a residue and yellows my whites over time due to inefficiency in our hard water. The current idea and budget killing option is the Oasis w/distilled vinegar presoaks. More research, shall ensue...

Our Simplicity Plan Part 6: Choose your own destiny.

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”E. BURKE

Destiny. des-tin-e
n pl -nies
1. the future destined for a person or thing; fate; fortune; lot
2. the predetermined or inevitable course of events
3. (Philosophy) the ultimate power or agency that predetermines the course of events
[from Old French destinee, from destiner to destine]


I like to think of destiny as a series of choices, that lead to an inevitable course of events. I feel that life is a sum of all parts, and in flux, constantly changing as we and are perceptions do. Making changes that count, move you closer to your goals in life be they simplicity, clutter control, green living, a new habit or to let go of another, a new career, love, or weight loss. We need to set the course in motion though. We need to not just say, but do. Not just plan, but to help make those plans happen.

I was once a professional caterer. I did it on my own, then had a partner. The woman had no catering experience but was a party planner. She was great at planning...but doing the work to bring the plan together escaped her. "That's what staff is for." Honey, there is no staff in a 2 person business. You both wear all 'the hats' from the party planning to the trash guy. Life is like that, too. We wear all the hats. We must make the plan happen, with effort. We can plan the perfect life down to the wedding details, future children, and neighborhood. We can spend a lifetime waiting for that sparkly ring and the Guy. But, if we don't ourselves, put the plan in action by getting out and meeting 100 different men, you'll never find your Guy (or girl). Doesn't matter if you buy the dress and have your future real estate agent on call. YOU still must set the stage for destiny to occur.

In a series of choices and resulting events over the past 38.10 years, I have become who I am. I am turning 40 next year. The final half of life is going to be different. I am going to walk and talk even more boldly. I am going to make some more waves. Be heard AND seen. I have spent half a lifetime saying "I should have done..." "I could have done it this way." "Maybe." "Someday." "When we...?" "Then." "I wish I..." NO MORE. I am choosing to live out loud and in the PRESENT MOMENT. The Now...this gift of the present. In this moment, I seek balance and simplicity. I just know this is the direction of my destiny. I can't explain how I know this, that this is what I need to be doing; focusing my energy on further physical, emotional, and spiritual growth rather than accumulating stuff and belongings. I feel I am about to crest a mountain peak and before me stands all of the different paths and destinies... possibilities. Breathing in and asking my true self what I want for the first time, without a child to consider (The Kid is an adult), the deepest feeling that keeps crashing in waves in my heart and mind is that,  I seek a streamlined life that has unlimited room for joy and my path to it is simplicity.

Choose what resonates in you, and only you. Make small changes in the ways in which you are comfortable. A little discomfort is good for the mind, body, and soul too. It makes your thinking sharp and focused, and opens you up to possibilities you have never had room to imagine before. And, yes. I am a freaky hippy that frequently uses words such as choice, path, destiny, and energy in my every day life. I am fully me and I have been for most of my life. I don't see that changing. You may not be me and that's awesome because it means you are YOU!! We are making changes and doing things that matter to us. Do what matters to YOU. Make changes at your own speed. If all you do this month is start to ask yourself about your shopping habits, or change 2 light-bulbs over to CF and hang up a plant...you've made progress! You can not buy a new lifestyle at Whole Foods. It has to happen in your own way and in your own time.

We are living boldly. Redefining our priorities to include the things that feel right to us, and sometimes, only us. How 'crazy' of an idea is that? Not doing things for other's expectations? Not using paper towels is a choice, as is using them. A kitchen does not need to smell of Lysol or bleach to be clean, no matter what your Mom thinks. Baking soda cleans and deodorizes carpets without the chemical fragrance sprinkle. Won't think of trying cloth feminine pads? OK. Just eliminate products with plastic applicators this year. It's OK, to do it your way. This is your life. Just be sure to do something, someday, to reduce your impact here. Standing up for your convictions in life... is another way to stand up for YOU.

For us, cultivating a deep spiritual practice, growing our own food, playing and laughing, and being active in matters of social justice and community makes us feel good and whole...without a gym, drug, or dollar spent. So does music. Seeking out live music is a good thing for all involved. Find YOUR JOY. Take a dance class. Paint. Find a boxing Fight Club. Learn how to knit. Serve food at the homeless shelter. Foster a litter of kittens. Learn to play an instrument. Garden, grow a spider plant, or turn your trash back in to earth. My closest cousin, left a white collar job in her late 20's to become a make up artist. It takes courage to find joy. I never really thought about it in that way. Most of us are programed to find the wrongs in life...not the rights or the joy. I realized many of us humans are still seeking school programed approval and raising our hands to speak. There is no wrong or right way to live...only the way you choose to. The only grade you will will receive as an adult, is a feeling of satisfaction in your life.

As my dear Michael Franti says,  It's is never too late to start over. And over, and over...until you get it 'right' for you. There is no greater external marker of internal growth than the ability to laugh at yourself and adapt to an ever changing environment.

There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself.  It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that someone else pulls. Howard Thurman.


This is actually by a band called Fried Funk and is off of Acid Jazz, Volume #5; Living in the land of hi fi. Find joy, indeed.