The Blogger Takes A Break

Week 3 of pain, spasms, and overwhelming fatigue. I wish I could explain this fatigue to someone, anyone. It's as though I ran a 3 day triathlon in my sleep. I wake up more sore and exhausted than I was when I fell asleep. It's not 'yawn, I'm sleepy' fatigue. It's 'wow, we just climbed MT Everest' fatigue... a deep physical fatigue, not lack of good sleep fatigue. I am very inflamed and spastic, so the slightest movements cause spasms to break out all over my body. I'm also facing new symptoms that don't match my diagnosis. This, whatever it is, is not how Fibromyalgia works in me (3 weeks??). Neurological 'fun', is NOT fun.


I have been doubling up on the coconut oil, arnica, passionflower, Vit D, magnesium, and malic acid, but what I actually really need is medical care, drugs, and an MRI. Without health insurance, none of this matters, so I am doing my best at self-care. Mostly this means sleep, water, and alternating the heating pad with the ice pack. 

I'll be back when I am feeling better and I am ready to write and cook with full on, loving intention again. Hugs, Tam


Today's mantra: Pulling In The Oars By Kirtana
I'm pulling in the oars of this tiny boat,
growing weary of the rowing
and all the effort to reach some shore,
when it's not shore where I'm going

Rising with the tide, breaking with the wave,
I surrender every notion
that there is someone here to save --
as if I'm separate from the ocean!

And I surrender to the mystery
In the lap of God I rest my case
The force that bore this world can carry me
Who am I to question grace?

Who dreamed me into form?
Whose will sustains me?
Who brings what comes my way?
And when I die, who claims me?

Looking back, sometimes I have to laugh
What a lot of work it's been,
clinging to a sinking raft,
just to keep from falling in

So drown me in your darkest pain,
your softest kiss, your sweet despair
I've seen your face now and I know your name
And I can find you anywhere

I surrender to the mystery
and to the love that rises up to sing
Come what may, I vow to wait and see
I really don't know anything

I surrender to the mystery
and to the love that rises up to sing
The force that bore this world can carry me
I really don't know anything
I really don't know anything
I really don't know anything

Grocery Store Wars

Sharing a Tuesday giggle

1 Bag, 2 Baked Delights! Quick GF/DF Dinner Rolls and Sticky Cinnamon Buns

I have been working on a flour blend, so I have been trying different blends to see what I like best in each one. I had picked up a few bags of Pamela's Bread Mix. I used one and made baguettes a couple of weeks ago, which came out very good. I had also used it for pie crust last Thanksgiving, but never for other breads. I was planning on making baguettes again, but was feeling like I might want something sweet, too. Hum, what to do? Well, who says the whole batch has to go in a bread pan?

I followed the OVEN mixing directions on the bag and used a wooden spoon in lieu of a stand mixer. I used an ice cream scoop to scoop out the sticky batter into to a greased muffin pan. I made 6 dinner rolls. The other half of the dough had become less sticky, was looking like I could roll it, shape it, and should play with it... so I did. 


I sprinkled my baking board with rice flour and dumped the dough on it. Using a rolling pin, I rolled it into a smooth, even rectangle about 1/2 inch thick (maybe < / >). I then spread the dough with Earth Balance and sprinkled on a good 1/3 -1/2 cup of organic brown sugar, a scrape of nutmeg, and lots of cinnamon. I then rolled it up like a jelly roll and pinched the seam closed with wet fingers. I sliced 6, 2 inch thick rounds, put them in a greased baking pan.


I let both the dinner and cinnamon rolls rise for 45 minutes and baked them at 350 (f). The dinner rolls were done in 20-25 minutes, the cinnamon buns took 35.

While the cinnamon buns were still hot, I combined almond milk, maple syrup, and a TBS of powdered sugar and poured it on...instant sticky buns!


The verdict? Pamela's is by far my favorite GF bread mix in terms of both taste and versatility. It's dairy free and easy to work with. I do not have a stand mixer, and I still reached a great end product by beating the heck out of the dough with a wooden spoon (not to mention my arms are looking great from all of this test baking). I think I am taken by the honey-wheat taste of sorghum flour. The end note is a little gluten free tasting, but in general, not gross, grainy, or beany. I'm inspired to bake because of it, and that can't be a bad thing. There is also ZERO crumble factor. None. The softness and mouth feel of the finished goods leads me to believe I can make bagels that will taste like bagels, and possibly a soft pretzel or 12. Oh, and pizza crust is next, that is for sure.

The dinner rolls are crazy soft & chewy, and are keeping well. They are great as is or toasted, and they are large...burger patty large enough, I think. The cinnamon buns were the first I've ever made and I don't think I'll do a thing different next time... besides add nuts every now and again and play with different seasonal glazes. They were perfect, with no weird GF aftertaste. I'd tell you how they keep, but they are gone...down to the last crumb. So glad I took these pics before my baked good monster got home from work!

Holy shit, it's beer!

I lost my tolerance to alcohol somewhere in the mystery illness era. I haven't had a drink in over 2 years. I absolutely must stay away from hard liquor for the rest of my life. I still have flashbacks about the stuff that came out of my mouth while I was trying to keep up with the cocktail hours, while sick and unknowingly hurting myself with every sip I took. I'm better without regular drinking in my life. Clearer, vibrating at a different frequency, I enjoy life. I do miss friends that wrote me off as 'sober' (aka No Fun) due to illness... because I'm in no way a 12 stepper, Big Book reader, or a friend of Bill W. I simply chose to stop drinking liquor to feel better. That's powerful, not 'powerless'.

Also powerful is the power of an ice cold beer, damn it. Beer is good. Beer is liquid bread. Beer is ancient. Beer is beer. Beer does not make Tam act like an idiot. I was a die hard Guinness drinker, micro brewery fan, and budding brewer. I LOVE beer. Here I am all gluten free and living life much happier than in the past...and all I can think is how nice a cold beer would feel in my hand while I watch the rains. I have zero desire to drink to get drunk. This is about taste and feeling 'normal".  If this was 5 years ago, I'd really be up a creek. Welcome to 2010 and gluten free beer, specifically, Bard's Gold.

Last night we had a pre concert party, before going to see The Rhythm Devils (my birthday gift). We had a bunch of people in the yard, drinking beer, eating Ya' Mon Salad and listening to music. I went to my favorite natural food store before they arrived to get my Guy's beer and saw the Bard's. I bought it and hid it in the 'fridge. I took a beer out of the 6-pack holder, and held it like it was a baby bird... gentle, starring longingly, cautious. I opened it. I smelled it. It smelled like beer. I poured an inch in the glass. Looked like beer. The first sip. Tears. A second sip. Laughter...it IS beer!

I still have no tolerance and was quite tipsy after only the one beer for the night, but it was good. Having this one thing to make life seem less gluten free and in tune with the rest of the population...also good.

An Ode To My Friend, Vitamin D

As I've shared, I grew up in New England. From the time I was 12, each Fall, around Thanksgiving...I became depressed. I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). My memories include sleeping 18-20 hours a day, being home-schooled for 1/2 the year, and staring into huge full spectrum light boxes, to no avail. Moving to the Inferno, sounded like the best idea I had heard in my in life. My first Winter here, my Mom died. Though I did deal with the situation depression that a major death normally brings...I wasn't SAD.

Why on earth am I thinking about the Winter Blues in July?

Fast forward a few years, from that first Winter here. We are still living in the Inferno (also known as southern AZ), and it's July. July means 110 and humid. July means avoid the sun at all costs. I found myself pale and...SAD, all over again. I'm now sick, in the middle of my mystery illness. I've put 2 and 2 together and I ask my primary DR for a Vitamin D test. She laughs and tells me we live in the Inferno, there's no way I'm D deficient. By December, I am using a walker, I am erratic, and in constant deep pain. I am then sent to a Rhematologist. He runs the requested D level. Low normal is a 40. I was a 4. Yes, FOUR. He asked me if I had killed my husband yet, tried to hurt myself, and HOW I was functioning with virtually no D in my system. 8 weeks of 50,000 IU's a week later...a layer of ouch is gone, as is my depression.

The Summer seems to be a mix of overexposure or not enough sun. Most of us live inside, work inside, drive in cars, we cover ourselves from head to toe with SPF80 to avoid skin cancer. We need at least 20 minutes a day of full on sun exposure for it to trigger D production. If you really think about it, those 15 seconds from house to car and from car to office...aren't enough. A weekly sunburn (or a dozen eggs yolks), is not a good idea nor enough exposure to effect regular daily production, or moods. A little bit of daily sun and high quality supplementing if needed, is the only way.

I see an awareness in northern climates. More and more people take their D all Winter. It never dawned on anyone (but me) that a pre-menopausal desert dweller, could also be D deficient (in July). I live an hour from Mexico and I had virtually no Vitamin D in me. Now, between eating gluten free, tank top-no sunscreen gardening every day, and continuing a year round daily maintenance dose of 2000 IU...I am maintaining normal levels and have remained SAD free. I look back and can't help but to think that perhaps some vitamin D, along with those lights in New England...may have changed the outcome of my entire life.

Don't wait until the Winter Blues come a ' knocking. Get your D level checked!

http://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/vitamind.asp

We Are Here/Here We Are

It's been surreal. It's been hard work. It's not over yet, but here's some photos to catch you up. Who'd a thunk such a small space would need so much work? Making this place truly livable (for people, not just the ants and sewer rats) will be a Summer long project. I guess my new hobbies are carpentry, pest control, and plumbing... not quite the dance and pottery classes I had in mind. I'm OK with this. All good things come to those who work their butts off.

Before the work began:
The entry

The room, before.

Using a dark color in the entry way, I created the illusion of 2 rooms. The space now feels distinct and separate yet unified with the rest of the house.

The sun makes it the whole house glow in the late afternoon. Such amazing light!

Using the normally wasted space behind the front door, we now have an organized command central, charging station, shoe storage, mail room, and sunny reading nook. We condensed a wall full of books into a single bookcase, with room to add books. Some were given away, some were donated, some are in storage for future use. Books are very important to me, so that was difficult.

I am standing where the stove should be. Behind me is my (sadly) unused baker's station, 'fridge, and juicer. My new best friend, the crock pot, stands front and center.

Let the sun shine in by clicking on the picture. The kitchen is to the right.

Now, if only I could say we were done here, or at the old house. But we are not. Lots of work is needed still, here and there. We still have 2 storage loads to remove, the yard and gardens to relocate, and then the paint and repairs there. Glad we have until the 25th to be out! We're going to need it.

Summer Vegetable Kitcheree

I've been gluten free for lass than one year and dairy free for 7 shorter weeks. I sometimes feel like I am learning to plan meals, cook, and eat all over again. The only Ace in my corner is 20 years of fearless  professional cooking, so I have the basics down... and that no fear thing. People that know me in 'real time' know how serious I am about food. I was a line cook, caterer, and personal chef, as well as a buyer for several health food stores. I am proud to say I never once worked in a chain restaurant and that I have had the pleasure of cooking with amazing chefs/cooks from all over the natural food world. I am often inspired by other cooks, just as every cook was before me. This time though, it's more than that sort of inspiration and admiration. Finding recipes I can see myself cooking, can see myself eating, and that make me feel really good... does not come to me as easy as it may for others. I have to be really moved to cook someone else's recipe... as they wrote it. I'm so very not a pretentious food snob, just a natural food professional with newly discovered multiple food sensitivities who appreciates safe, simple food that is well thought out and balanced.

I am so grateful to have found exceptional, clean, GF/DF culinary inspiration with The Whole Life Nutrition Kitchen. I've been cooking Ali and Tom's recipes as written, and finding I never need to change a thing. I don't need to tweak, omit, or add... though they do encourage you to do so and leave room for the recipe to grow. They cook like I do when I'm being very thoughtful about what I am eating. This is their Summer Vegetable Kitcheree, which is a perfect one pot meal, in every way. It's light yet filling. Comforting and exciting. It feels like I should eat it every day...so I have been enjoying it as my brunch, after the juicing part of my day is over. It's best warm but still great cold, too.

Summer Vegetable Kitcheree
Kitcheree is an Indian stew-like meal made from mung beans and brown rice. Spices and vegetables make up the remaining ingredients which can vary widely. Here I used carrots, fresh tomatoes, kale, peas, and cilantro. If you are on the Elimination Diet then this recipe is ideal. Just keep the tomatoes and chili flakes out until Phase 3. Once nightshades are added back into the diet then have at this recipe in its entirety!


2 tablespoons virgin coconut oil or olive oil
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh ginger
1 tablespoon black mustard seeds
1 tablespoon cumin seeds
pinch or two of crushed red chili flakes
2 cups brown jasmine or basmati rice, rinsed
2 cups dry mung beans, rinsed
3 to 4 large carrots, cut into large chunks
1 ½ teaspoons turmeric
½ teaspoon ground coriander
8 to 10 cups water
4 cups finely chopped kale or spinach
1 to 2 cups fresh or frozen peas
3 medium tomatoes, chopped
½ cup chopped cilantro
2 to 3 teaspoons sea salt or Herbamare
dollop of chilled coconut milk, for garnish


Heat oil in an 8-quart pot (or pressure cooker). Add ginger, mustard seeds, cumin seeds, and chili flakes, gently sauté over medium heat until the seeds begin to pop.


Then add the mung beans, rice, carrots, turmeric, and coriander. Stir together a bit so the spices evenly coat the rice and beans. Then add the water (start with 8 cups and add more after the stew is cooked if necessary). Lock the lid into place (if using a pressure cooker) and bring to high pressure, cook for about 10 minutes, then use the quick release method to bring the pressure down. If the stew needs some more time, bring to high pressure again and cook for 1 to 2 more minutes. Add more water if needed.


If you don't have a pressure cooker simply bring the stew to a boil, cover, and simmer on low for about 45 minutes (add more water if needed).


Once the rice and beans are cooked, add in the chopped kale, tomatoes, peas, cilantro, and salt. Stir until just mixed. Turn off heat, cover, and let stand for about 5 minutes. The tender vegetables will just barely cook in the hot stew. Add more salt to taste if necessary. Serve hot and enjoy!



Notes: Be sure to cut the carrots into large chunks otherwise they will fall apart in the stew while cooking.


Source:  www.nourishingmeals.com/2009/09/summer-vegetable-kitcheree.html

And a note from me,
I did cook this in the crock pot. I started it with the coconut oil and spices on HIGH until the kitchen got fragrant, added the rice, beans, carrots and I used whole green beans.
I added an extra 1-1/12 cups of water and turned it to LOW for 4 hours, and added the greens and cilantro in about 5 minutes before serving. It worked awesome!!